#1 Teach children to treat people as special
#2 Teach children to do more than what's expected
#3 Deal with a bad attitude.
#4 Create honor lessons in life.
#5 Model it.
#6 Appeal to the conscience.
Those are the honor lessons listed in the book Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes...in you and your kids, and here are some of the new things we're trying. Already I can see a HUGE change in Eli!
When he acts out--angry, hitting, disobeying--we set Eli in timeout until he changes his attitude. If he's sitting in timeout and is hitting the wall or yelling, I'm usually tempted to discipline him for that even though he's already in timeout, but instead I tell him that his actions are showing me that he's still angry and he needs to sit there longer. When he's finally quiet I tell him to get up and say he's sorry. A lot of times he says sorry on his own and at random times throughout the day too for something that happened earlier or a long time ago. And if he's kind of whining when he's saying he's sorry then I tell him that his tone of voice doesn't show me that he means it. "It's been said that only about 10 percent of a message comes from the words themselves. By contrast, 35 percent of the meaning comes from tone of voice, and 55 percent comes from nonverbal cues, such as gesture, posture, and facial expression." (81) "Simple observations of nonverbal cues can open the doors for clarification and discussion to take place." (82) Examples: Because your arms are crossed like that, I'm getting the sense that you're upset about something. Is that right? OR Your intense tone of voice leads me to believe that you're angry. I don't think you are right now, but your loud voice makes me feel like you're yelling at me. (82,83)
If he's fussing or whining, I tell Eli that "I don't listen to whining. Find a more honoring/nicer way to say it." I kind of interchange the word "honor" and "nicer". Trying to introduce what honor means but at the same time keeping it in terms that Eli understands.
Sometimes before Kevin comes home from work, I try to think of a way we can honor him together. The other day I said to the kids, "Let show daddy we honor him and think he's special by making him a treat. This is just for daddy!" So we made him a banana milkshake, and Eli was so excited to give it to him when he got home.
You can ask your child set the table for you and then do something special to surprise you. Maybe he'll fold the napkins special. It encourages the child to think of something on his own to bless another person.
We went to the park the other day, and before we got out of the van I went over the rules of no fussing when it's time to leave. I told Eli that I was being nice by letting him play, and he could be nice by not fussing. When it came time to leave, he started to resist, but then I reminded him of this and we actually left the park in peace! And that in itself is AMAZING!
A big part of teaching honor is teaching your children how to communicate effectively. "Don't just point out a bad attitude. Give healthy alternatives." (53) This idea has taken pressure off of me. Instead of feeling like I have to discipline for all wrong behavior. I can simply use it as a time to teach proper communication. So that's where I'll pick up tomorrow.
#2 Teach children to do more than what's expected
#3 Deal with a bad attitude.
#4 Create honor lessons in life.
#5 Model it.
#6 Appeal to the conscience.
Those are the honor lessons listed in the book Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes...in you and your kids, and here are some of the new things we're trying. Already I can see a HUGE change in Eli!
When he acts out--angry, hitting, disobeying--we set Eli in timeout until he changes his attitude. If he's sitting in timeout and is hitting the wall or yelling, I'm usually tempted to discipline him for that even though he's already in timeout, but instead I tell him that his actions are showing me that he's still angry and he needs to sit there longer. When he's finally quiet I tell him to get up and say he's sorry. A lot of times he says sorry on his own and at random times throughout the day too for something that happened earlier or a long time ago. And if he's kind of whining when he's saying he's sorry then I tell him that his tone of voice doesn't show me that he means it. "It's been said that only about 10 percent of a message comes from the words themselves. By contrast, 35 percent of the meaning comes from tone of voice, and 55 percent comes from nonverbal cues, such as gesture, posture, and facial expression." (81) "Simple observations of nonverbal cues can open the doors for clarification and discussion to take place." (82) Examples: Because your arms are crossed like that, I'm getting the sense that you're upset about something. Is that right? OR Your intense tone of voice leads me to believe that you're angry. I don't think you are right now, but your loud voice makes me feel like you're yelling at me. (82,83)
If he's fussing or whining, I tell Eli that "I don't listen to whining. Find a more honoring/nicer way to say it." I kind of interchange the word "honor" and "nicer". Trying to introduce what honor means but at the same time keeping it in terms that Eli understands.
Sometimes before Kevin comes home from work, I try to think of a way we can honor him together. The other day I said to the kids, "Let show daddy we honor him and think he's special by making him a treat. This is just for daddy!" So we made him a banana milkshake, and Eli was so excited to give it to him when he got home.
You can ask your child set the table for you and then do something special to surprise you. Maybe he'll fold the napkins special. It encourages the child to think of something on his own to bless another person.
We went to the park the other day, and before we got out of the van I went over the rules of no fussing when it's time to leave. I told Eli that I was being nice by letting him play, and he could be nice by not fussing. When it came time to leave, he started to resist, but then I reminded him of this and we actually left the park in peace! And that in itself is AMAZING!
A big part of teaching honor is teaching your children how to communicate effectively. "Don't just point out a bad attitude. Give healthy alternatives." (53) This idea has taken pressure off of me. Instead of feeling like I have to discipline for all wrong behavior. I can simply use it as a time to teach proper communication. So that's where I'll pick up tomorrow.
"Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will never depart from it." (Prov 22:6)
ReplyDeleteAlthough the process can include lots of "try this" and "not this" -- the end result is awesome with grown kids that love the Lord.
The point: Although right this minute might not be fun as you set boundaries and limits, keep focus that God is using you to shape a child... (two cutie pies at that!)
Love, Mom / G'ma