Life is insane right now. And I'm losing my mind! And right now I'm feeling like I CANNOT WAIT for the next phase of life when all the kids are 5-10yrs old. No more naps to schedule around, less of the CONSTANT demands, less of the CONSTANT fighting, no more diaper bags to completely unload every time I'm trying to find something, kids are more independent, I can actually go shopping by myself sometimes, I can actually complete a simple task without being interrupted a thousand times, having TIME to actually keep a somewhat clean house, and having the FREEDOM to leave the kids and go do something FUN with my husband like tube down the Iowa River for an afternoon. I try not to wish this time away because I know I'll miss it later. But right now I'm having a hard time seeing WHY I would ever miss this so much.
I think a lot of what is causing me to feel so overwhelmed right now are the house projects. When our home is not tidy I feel crazy. Like I actually can't quite breathe right, and I'm no neat freak. The dining room is now in our kitchen,. And we also got a new fridge lately and because it didn't quite fit we had to take out the surrounding cupboards and just put them in random spaces in the kitchen, so I barely I have room to move in there. I really want to help with the projects, but I can't. The kids CONSUME ME. And when we try to tag along on shopping days to Home Depot (1.5 hrs away), because I want to be involved, it ends up taking all day by the time we do feedings and bathroom stops and diaper changes and meals. And another of Kevin's days off are "wasted".
Hannah had a blowout diaper yesterday and even after 3 or 4 tries with the carpet cleaner I CAN STILL SEE IT! She's 2. This shouldn't be happening. Not now.
Carter's been having crappy naps. Waking up after barely an hour. And last night he somehow got to his tummy while being swaddled in his cradle and I heard him fussing around trying to hold his head up with his arms bundled down. Scared the crap out of me and now I don't want to swaddle him anymore at all. Which will not help at all for getting him to sleep longer during the day.
It's Easter this weekend. But it doesn't feel like Easter because Kevin's working nights all weekend so we have no plans except for me trying to attempt the church breakfast "alone" with all the kids. I know, church friends will help manage the kids, but still, my mind is scattered.
Praying for patience. Praying for strength. Praying for peace. Praying for perspective. God help me.
Times like this lead me to pray the Prayer for Serenity. Are you familiar?
ReplyDelete"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen."
I often feel this way. It's normal and understandable. I hope things calm soon so you can feel more at peace. Yes, we'll miss these young-baby days, but I agree there is much to look forward to with the next stage, too.
I hope you have a wonderful Easter!
Praying for you! This too shall pass ...
ReplyDeletePraying for you and please know that as Moms we all have these days! Somethings that always help me are starting my day off in prayer and reading my Bible, taking a hot bath without kids knocking on the door (trying to get to me!), a date night so I can be Emily (Jesse's wife) instead of mommy even if it is only for an hour, and putting the kids down for bed a little early and do something that I like to do (for me it is curling up on the couch with a cup of cofee and a Hallmark Movie!)
ReplyDeletePraying for you during this season.. soon it will pass! :)
Oh Sarah, I know EXACTLY how you feel. Overwhelmed with kids and housework....and then I went back to school. Sometimes I feel crazy, other times selfish.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you need a trip to the park...just let the kids run and enjoy the fresh air.
I'm really going to try to make it to the church for Easter service, even though I haven't been to church in what feels like forever. Maybe we can sit together?
You are not alone, I am right there with you. This job is a tremendous privilege but is SO demanding and I definitely feel like the ME is completely lost in the shuffle. The kids are constantly needing me, the house needs attention, my husband needs attention and of course I put a LOT of pressure on myself to be perfect in all of those areas all the time. Yea, it's overwhelming with three young ones and all the demands that go with it. I hear ya!
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you mean. I had a melt down in Wal-Mart yesterday (one of many this past week) and almost left the kids with someone I knew that was there! I mean, I come "THIS" close to walking up to that poor woman and BEGGING her to take them! I can laugh about it now but here lately I feel so overwhelmed and like I will never be "me" again. :( And, the more stressed out I am,the more my marriage suffers.
ReplyDeleteSo, I definitely know what you are talking about. I have been reading "The Mission of Motherhood" and there are days when that book and the scriptures in it are all that get me through. I am going to send you a copy for your birthday.:) Should be there soon!
I love you,sweet friend! And, you can do this..we will stick together. :)
I know what you mean. Sometimes I can't wait for the kids to grow up. But with growing up, they'll still have constant demands - just different ones (and sometimes harder ones).
ReplyDeleteJust don't expect too much out of yourself while the house is in duress. Kevin is probably just happy to spend time with you - and a whole day at Home Depot isn't wasted. You're still all together and that's what matters. :) I know sometimes it feels like our days with Anthony get "wasted" too but I know that sometimes that happens. Just take it slow.
You guys are the best. Seriously.
ReplyDeleteSharon- love the serenity prayer. I think I've really only heard the first part before. So thank you for sharing that with me.
Simple Life- thank you for the reminder to take a break.
Amanda- I'd LOVE to see you at church!
Amy- read my next post.
Julie- you're so sweet and thoughtful! can't wait to read that book!
S Club Mama- thanks for the reminder to take it slow. will try!!
Praying for you, Sarah! You know there is no one in the universe that can take care of your children like you do. You are a wonderful mom, even though it's frustrating.
ReplyDeleteOh Sarah! I wish I could give you a great big hug right now!!!! I sooooo understand where you are, having three kids under the age of 6 myself! And I like to tell you that 5 is the magic number and things all the sudden get better but it doesn't! This time is hard, and you know just like everyone else how rewarding it is! Brianna read us our Bible story a few nights ago and I thought I would burst! I too, understand the house never being clean enough, your time being totally not your own...but please know that these days don't last forever and I try to remember that every mother who went before me understands these days! Hang in there and know that I'm praying for you! Tomorrow is ALWAYS a new day!!!! Thanks be to God for that!
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