When there are no words.

2013 was a painful year for us. Struggle with sin, trust, faith, priorities, communication, hurt, anger, all of it.  There's so much that can't be shared publicly or even privately. But it's our story, our LIFE, it's real.

I haven't been here because I didn't know what to say. I still don't really.

This journey is HARD.  I am struggling to trust God. What exactly do I trust TO God???  He's all powerful but works in twisted ways that we don't understand at all. He may NEVER answer my prayers in the ways that *I* am pleading to Him .  How do I trust and hope and pray for God to do plan A when I know so very well that He may have a Plan B in mind all along, that never even comes close to my desires??  So I am trying to simply Trust God. With the whole thing. And be okay with the possibility of Plan B. And to trust that Plan B can still be okay too and even possibly GOOD.  And that, my friends, is hard. THAT is faith.

"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." Luke 22:42


Have you ever had to trust God with some really heavy circumstances? Trusting that the Plan B (which, by the way, was always God's plan from the start) is good too?

Monday Meanderings - Jan. 27

 Bible Study... Jesus Calling devotional. Plus praying the A.C.T.S format, using new verses each day. It's been really fulfilling.

Memory Verse...  Hebrews 10:22-23

"...let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful."

Husband Encouragement...
♥ Conversation. Be more aware of things I can share with him, articles I read or conversations I had, etc. Because I stay home most of the time and basically see no one, I feel like I have very little to converse about.

♥ Date night on Saturday with some new friends! Excited to get to meet them!

Train Them Up...

* Eli -- try to find ways to build him up and encourage him. I kinda feel like I'm only hard on him.

* Been trying to have "meal helpers" so each child gets one-on-one time actually helping and learning in the kitchen. They LOVE this, and I love when they are helpful! And I extra love when there's only ONE helper at a time and not THREE!  ;)

Personal Goals...

* I've been back to the treadmill lately! 3.0 miles at least, alternating 0.2 walk (4.0 speed) and 0.3 run (6.0 speed) the whole time. It's a really comfortable interval for me, and then I've been alternating days between arm toning weights and muffin-top exercises afterward. LOL Need to stay consistent and keep drinking water! Though I DO have a weight goal I'd love to get to, I'm trying to focus on the good, healthy habits and not the numbers! So I'm avoiding even checking the scale right now and enjoying FEELING good!

New Habit of the Month...  {january}

Seeing that it's already the END of January, I'll have to practice this habit again next month... 

Work on (at least) one project every week. Sooo many things just sitting and waiting that are ALLLLMOST done!!

Hopefully you'll watch as this list gets crossed off...
* deliver load of clothes to consignments
* deliver load of books to somewhere, anywhere!!
* restart work on family photo album
* continue painting hallway
* take Carter's 4-yr photos and write up an age summary 

MUST Do... 

* prepare finalized MOPS questions for marriage panel! so excited for this!!

* pay bills. blah.

* schedule appointment

* make and mail birthday invites for Hannah's party

Zone(s)... kitchen. I really stink at getting large pans away. I especially HATE cleaning muffin/cupcake pans and the large electric skillet. They've been sitting there since Carter's bday party over a week ago.  Ummm...yeah.

 

Menu -

M -  hot dogs, baked beans

T - breakfast feast - pancakes, sausage, eggs, fruit, and orange juice

W - pepperoni casserole

Th - chicken tortilla soup

F - gyros

S - friends

Su - leftovers.

FUN THINGS!

* MOPS playdate and potluck on Tuesday. I'll actually be going childless since it's a preschool day for Carter.

* Morning volleyball on Wednesday. It's been since before Christmas since we've played so I'm excited to get back to it!

* Game night with another young couple!

3 things I'm thankful for today...

1. Revelations at church. Not the BOOK Revelations but things I realized about my walk with God.

2. Family read-alouds. At the beginning of the year I determined to start family chapter books again, so we are currently reading The Magician's Nephew, the first in the Chronicles of Narnia series which we love. It's the one time of day when life actually feels like how you imagined motherhood would be. Everyone snuggled close on the couch and SITTING, just sitting and listening intently. Love it.

3. A warm house. The weather has been so wicked lately, mostly the wind. It's just out of control and wild, and I hate it. I hate the sound of it, I hate everything that blows all over the yard, I hate how hard it is to be out in--to drive or even walk. So I'm very very very thankful for our home, our warm home.

Sunday Psalm

Psalm 116:5-14

The Lord is gracious and righteous;

our God is full of compassion.

The Lord protects the simplehearted;

when I was in great need, he saved me.

Be at rest once more, O my soul,

for the Lord has been good to you.

For you, O Lord, have delivered my soul from death,

my eyes from tears,

my feet from stumbling,

that I may walk before the Lord

in the land of the living.

I believed; therefore I said,

'I am greatly afflicted.'

And in my dismay I said,

'All men are liars.'

How can I repay the Lord

for all his goodness to me?

I will lift up the cup of salvation

and call on the name of the Lord.

I will fulfill my vows to the Lord 

in the presence of all his people.