This is continuation from yesterday, so if you didn't read that already, click HERE to read my notes from the first three chapters.
Now this chapter was so significant to me, it gets a post of its own, along with my thoughts at the end...
CHAPTER 4: Accepting Your Husband As He Is
"Unconditional love and acceptance, then, should be the foundation of your marriage, and it is vital that you give your husband these gifts." (48)
"When you accept your husband the way he is, you will give him the freedom to be the man he wants (or needs) to be." (48)
"You and your husband will be contented and free only when you quit setting unrealistic goals and stop expecting him to be who he is not. Allow God to conform your mate into his image rather than trying to conform into the image you have for his life." (49)
"If...you are disappointed in your husband, you may be trying to make him meet certain needs in your life that only Christ can meet." (50)
"Your intentions to change him may be sincere, but they can lead to disaster." (50)
"God did not give you the job of convicting him of sin or error. That is the work of the Holy Spirit." (50)
"Make it a habit, when you have the desire to change something about your husband, to ask Christ to show you your faults." (52)
"Accepting your husband as he is will not always mean that you like how he acts...Acceptance is required, but enjoyment is a blessing from God." (54)
"If negative traits can be modified or channeled in the right direction, they can become strengths." (56)
My own thoughts... You see, there were certain areas of life that I wanted Kevin to change. And I thought I could "encourage him" to be the way I wanted. I got a marriage book for him that paralleled one that really helped me. I bought it with the intention that I wouldn't push him; it would just be something available to him. But I couldn't help myself. Every few weeks I'd remind him that it was on the shelf and he hadn't read it yet and how much I had loved my book. I'd try to get him to join me with a Bible reading plan, set up an accountability partner for him, and would continue to bring up "the issue" time and time again, getting nowhere and just discouraging him even more. Even though I really was just trying to help and encourage, it was simply too much. I had to "let go and let God" do the work.
When I read this chapter in the book, it finally came to my understanding that this was not my job. A quote from chapter three that made all the difference in the world to me: "Do not assume responsibilities that are your husband's alone. Realize that there are needs in his life that you cannot meet..." (44) I can and need to allow God to do the work HE wants to do not what I WANT him to do. And boy, was this a relief to me! A burden lifted! I can pray, but I need to be accepting of who my husband is now. And that's exactly what I've been trying to do.
More to come...
Now this chapter was so significant to me, it gets a post of its own, along with my thoughts at the end...
CHAPTER 4: Accepting Your Husband As He Is
"Unconditional love and acceptance, then, should be the foundation of your marriage, and it is vital that you give your husband these gifts." (48)
"When you accept your husband the way he is, you will give him the freedom to be the man he wants (or needs) to be." (48)
"You and your husband will be contented and free only when you quit setting unrealistic goals and stop expecting him to be who he is not. Allow God to conform your mate into his image rather than trying to conform into the image you have for his life." (49)
"If...you are disappointed in your husband, you may be trying to make him meet certain needs in your life that only Christ can meet." (50)
"Your intentions to change him may be sincere, but they can lead to disaster." (50)
"God did not give you the job of convicting him of sin or error. That is the work of the Holy Spirit." (50)
"Make it a habit, when you have the desire to change something about your husband, to ask Christ to show you your faults." (52)
"Accepting your husband as he is will not always mean that you like how he acts...Acceptance is required, but enjoyment is a blessing from God." (54)
"If negative traits can be modified or channeled in the right direction, they can become strengths." (56)
My own thoughts... You see, there were certain areas of life that I wanted Kevin to change. And I thought I could "encourage him" to be the way I wanted. I got a marriage book for him that paralleled one that really helped me. I bought it with the intention that I wouldn't push him; it would just be something available to him. But I couldn't help myself. Every few weeks I'd remind him that it was on the shelf and he hadn't read it yet and how much I had loved my book. I'd try to get him to join me with a Bible reading plan, set up an accountability partner for him, and would continue to bring up "the issue" time and time again, getting nowhere and just discouraging him even more. Even though I really was just trying to help and encourage, it was simply too much. I had to "let go and let God" do the work.
When I read this chapter in the book, it finally came to my understanding that this was not my job. A quote from chapter three that made all the difference in the world to me: "Do not assume responsibilities that are your husband's alone. Realize that there are needs in his life that you cannot meet..." (44) I can and need to allow God to do the work HE wants to do not what I WANT him to do. And boy, was this a relief to me! A burden lifted! I can pray, but I need to be accepting of who my husband is now. And that's exactly what I've been trying to do.
More to come...
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