Reverence.

So after several weeks of collecting dust on the book shelf, yesterday I finally picked up Created to Be His Help Meet to continue my reading (love this book!) and boy, was I challenged once again in journey of Godly womanhood. Chapter 13 is about reverencing your husband, and after reading this chapter I clearly see this is an area I need to work on and pray about. First, let's get some definitions. The book puts it as this:

1. Obedience is doing what you know the other person wants you to do.
2. Submission is your heart giving over to the other person's will.
3. Reverence is more than just doing what a man expects or demands. It is an act of the woman's will to treat him with a high degree of regard and awe.

The dictionary defines reverence as a feeling or attitude of deep respect tinged with awe.

I can already see that I fail to do this for my husband. Respect, yes. Awe, not so much.

But here is the most important reminder the author gave to me:

"She [a wife] is reverencing God by reverencing her husband, not because her husband is a fit representative of Christ, and not because he is a worthy substitute, but because God placed her in subjection to her husband... Her faith sees beyond the sinning man to the God who created us all and 'so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son..' John 3:16 If her faithfulness is never rewarded with a new-birth change in her husband, her commitment will not be wasted, for the grace that God is working in her heart is making her supremely fitted to be the bride of Christ." (127)

Because we are all sinners, no man necessarily deserves honor, respect, and reverence. But God calls us as women to do it anyway (Ephesians 5:33). So this is where we need to suck it up and just do it, forgive as Christ forgave us, obeying God's commands.

"Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established." Proverbs 16:3

"The difference between a good marriage and a lousy one is not found in good husbands and good wives versus bad husbands and bad wives, for all marriages are made up of two sinners with lots of faults. A good marriage is good because one or both of them have learned to overlook the other's faults, to love the other as he or she is and to not attempt to change the other or bring him or her to repentance." (129)

The homework assignment at the end of this chapter was to do a word study on reverence. I spent a good amount of yesterday studying the following passages:

Leviticus 26:1
Joshua 5:13-15
Nehemiah 5:14-16
Psalm 5:7
Jeremiah 44:10
Daniel 6:26-27
Malachi 2:4-6
Acts 10:25
2 Corinthians 7:1
Ephesians 5:21
Colossians 3:22
Hebrews 12:28-29
1 Peter 3:1-2

As I read them, I wrote them in my journal, underlining the word reverence in each passage and circling the other key words that help me understand what reverence really looks like in action. And here is that list:

observe. fell facedown. devoted. bow down. humbled themselves. followed. fear. stood in awe. walked with me. peace. uprightness. fell at his feet. purity. holiness. submit. obey. sincerity of heart. thankful. worship. awe. submissive. purity.

Looking over those words, then I think about my own marriage and how I treat my husband. Do I really reverence my husband? I see how much I fall short. I see a whole other picture of how I can really serve my husband, leading me to the next part of the homework assignment...

* Ways I have not shown reverence toward my husband:

• I have not "bowed before him." I probably give off an attitude that my needs are equally important.
• I do not feel, let alone show, awe.
• I do not particularly show a life of purity and holiness.
• I do not always have sincerity of heart and instead am guilty of doing things grudgingly underneath it all.
  
• I do not always remember to be thankful and often forget to watch what I say to others about my husband.

* Ways to correct:

• Set everything aside to serve his needs. Encourage children to help as well, saying things like, "Look, Daddy's up! Let's see if he wants a snack!' or "Daddy's home! Let's help him take off his heavy boots!"
  
• Work on having a good attitude, showing peace, patience, and a gentle spirit by smiling and showing joy.
• Stop being so distracted with computer things and work hard to keep the home and have regular Bible study, showing a life of devotion and servanthood.
• Pray for God to change my heart.
• Choose words oh so carefully when talking with other women about my husband. Keep the focus on my own struggles and attitude rather than on my husband's actions. Use words like "I'm struggling with..." or "I'm having a hard time being thankful for..."
  

ALL of those things will require a great amount of prayer on my part in order to actually follow through, but God can do this work in me. And so, as my eyes have been opened to a new life attitude towards my husband, I encourage you to take the challenge as well and reflect on how you can reverence your own husband.