On motherhood...

All I ever wanted was to be a mother, but I had NO IDEA it was going to be this hard.  No idea.  That every single part of the day would be a challenge--from going to the bathroom by myself to unloading the dishwasher to cooking a dinner to making a short phone call.  Every part of it takes an insane amount of EFFORT.  The kids are so demanding, and every minute every day there is some sort of "interruption". And oh the tears and the fights and the messes and the anxiety that living in mess creates. And then there's the "big things" like trips to the grocery store and crossing streets, praying your kids don't get lost or run over.  And there's the training of their little hearts that's supposed to go on amidst the demands, fighting, messes, and anxiety. There's such an internal battle about how and who I want to be as a mother and who I really am and how I can possibly change my ways. It's all so much more than I ever thought it would be.

But

then there's the love. The instant bond you have with your new baby. And the mutual relationship that grows through the years. The excitement as new milestones get accomplished month after month, year after year.  The delight in little things like rainbows, thunderstorms, tractors and diggers, bugs or elephants, balls and boxes.  Spending all day playing outside. And filling our schedules with play dates, museum trips, and painting.  The simplicity and the joy in those treasured moments is truly indescribable. And then above all that is your exploding heart when your children begin to understand and live out the gospel, those moments when you realize and see the true purpose of motherhood and training them up in the Lord so they can one day serve the Lord with their lives.  It's all so much more than I ever thought it would be.

I am blessed. I am thankful. And I pray to God that He helps me see it in the little moments too. Even amidst the demands, fighting, messes, and anxiety.  Children truly are one of life's greatest blessings. And I am thankful to be called MOM.