My Mission Statement for the Home.

I'm now into the second half of the book Created to Be His Help Meet, and it focuses on Titus 2:3-5 and woman's domain over the home. A favorite passage:

"When a woman soberly considers the needs, time schedule, and resources of her home, then she will be a more efficient help meet. This planning will eliminate tension and help set a peaceful mood. It is the simple things in life that can break down a marriage and bring out a bitter divorce. But on the positive side, it is the simpler planning of life's activities that can bring health, prosperity, peace, and happiness to a sound marraige and produce gratifying family relationships. Men (and children) appreciate good meals, a clean house, and an atmosphere of peace--a refuge from the stress of life." (147-8)

Reading this reminded me so much of what I've come up with as my personal mission statement (Day 3's challenge of the 31 Days to Clean challenge) When writing my statement I adapted a quote that's always stuck with me from reading The Power of a Praying Wife in the first year of our marriage. So here is my personal mission statement for how I want to keep our home:

I strive to see that the heart of my home is a peaceful sanctuary--a source of contentment, acceptance, rejuvenation, nurturing, rest, and love for my family--while at the same time remaining a place of instruction, comfort, and joy.

It seems like a lot to tackle especially with two, soon to be three, little ones in the house. But I do feel it is so important, so I'm going to work to keep this atmosphere my goal. And most of all, that starts with my attitude.

"A wise woman doesn't let little things stir her spirit to agitation. With a quiet and meek spirit, she seeks to make all things better." (153)

This of course comes from one of my favorite Bible verses, "[Your beauty] should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." 1 Peter 3:4 That sounds so beautiful and sweet, but is so, so, so hard to DO!!

So with all that in mind, this is my focus for the week:
* to be productive with my time and work hard to really tidy up all the way and follow my cleaning schedule (this means maybe posting it so I actually SEE it every day!)
* to have a good attitude
* to not get upset over the little things, allowing it to "stir my spirit to agitation"
* to spend time in the word and in prayer every day (even if it's just a little bit) so I can keep my peace and focus

And with that, I must sign off and get to work!

More on reverence.

If you haven't read my first post on the subject, start there and then come back.

I just read on to the next chapter of Created to Be His Help Meet and there it tells more about what we as wives can do to reverence our hubbies. A lot of it is what I had already thought up in my reflections from last chapter. But it's still so good to hear...

"Reverence is not just how you act; it is how you feel and how you respond with words and with your body language. It is not enough to get up and serve him; your eyes and the quick, carefree swing of your body must indicate your delight to be engaged in serving your man. You cannot fool a man. He can see your heart as well or better than you can. Keep an eye on his dinner plate so you can anticipate his needs. Deference is a hot cup of tea while you take his shoes off after a hard day's work. It is a glad face when he returns after being gone for a short time. It is thankfulness for his attention and affection. Deference to your man is the height of true femininity. It makes a woman beautiful, gracious, and lovely to all, but most especially to him." (137)

Now before I go any further, I just wanted to say that in reading the previous chapter I had to look up the word deference because it was not a term I'd heard before and the dictionary defines deference as respectful submission. Okay, moving on...

"You cannot command your husband to love you, and you have no right to expect him to love you when you are unlovely. But God has provided a way for a woman to cause her husband to love and cherish her. God gave us ladies some keys to the avenues of a man's heart. God made it so that we can actually manipulate him into fulfilling his God-ordained duty. His very nature is made to respond to us if we will only treat him with reverence." (139)

Now there is a lot about that whole paragraph that I don't like, especially about manipulating our husbands. Manipulate is such an ugly word, and that is not at all the intent. The focus should always remain on how we are serving our God by serving and reverencing our husbands. But the paragraph does show how powerful we are to our man and how when we clean up our own actions, the rest will [but not always] fall into place.

"A man will allow his woman many, many, faults, as long as he knows that she thinks he is great. If she will just look into his face with adoration, if she is thankful to him for loving her, he will adore her." (140)

Read on, this is so me!

"Women, on the other hand, want their husbands to perform. They expect them to be spiritual, hardworking, diligent, sensitive, and an attentive parent, or they will take personal offense and begin to campaign to change him into 'their' image. I find it amazing that a woman would marry a MAN and then become angry because he continues to act like one." (141)

Ah, yes, that is so definitely how I am guilty of thinking! BUT I am learning to be thankful for the basics that are so easy to take for granted. Like being thankful for his attention, love, stability, faithfulness, security, etc.

So if you've read my last post about reverencing your husband, then here is a little more to think about! Blessings to you and your marriage!

Monday Meanderings

Bible Study
Start a Bible reading plan for days when I don't have something specific I need to work on.

Memory Verse
"Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established." Proverbs 16:3

Husband Encouragement
* Working on reverence.
* We're going on a date tomorrow night! MUCH needed!
* "Homemade" bread today.
* Bake some cookies for him to take into work on Wednesday.

Train Them Up
* We're still working on how to make school time work best. Trying to include Hannah but at the same not letting her just be a MAJOR distraction. Any ideas??
* Encourage them to help serve daddy. See this post.

MUST Do
* Make a batch of cookies to thank a friend for towing our van out of the mud last week.
* Start planning for next MOPS meeting.
* Return library books.

Personal Goals
* Look over 101 goals list. It's been such a looong time since I've done this and with less than a year left to complete, I want to keep plugging along!
* Do walking video three times this week. So far I've done it NONE, and I sooo need to, especially this time of year with all the warm-baked goodies and hubby making breakfast for us every day after he comes home from work!
* Start cleaning kids' summer clothes out of dressers and pack away outgrown sizes.

Zone
Basement. I hate having to dodge around stuff every time I go down to do laundry.

Menu Plan

Monday - something frozen. anything.
Tuesday - date night!!
Wednesday - omelets, fruit cocktail
Thursday - broccoli sausage breakfast bake, peaches
Friday - pulled pork sandwiches, green beans
Saturday - meatloaf, mashed potatoes, corn
Sunday - cauliflower soup, pears

FUN THINGS!
* date night with Kevin on Tuesday! it's been sooo long and amidst this outage it is sooo needed!
* pumpkin patch with MOPS friends on Wednesday
* my mom's coming for a visit Saturday and Sunday
* outage is almost over!! just a week and a half left!

Join with me YOUR meanderings, personalizing it however you'd like! Have a great week, friends!

Reverence.

So after several weeks of collecting dust on the book shelf, yesterday I finally picked up Created to Be His Help Meet to continue my reading (love this book!) and boy, was I challenged once again in journey of Godly womanhood. Chapter 13 is about reverencing your husband, and after reading this chapter I clearly see this is an area I need to work on and pray about. First, let's get some definitions. The book puts it as this:

1. Obedience is doing what you know the other person wants you to do.
2. Submission is your heart giving over to the other person's will.
3. Reverence is more than just doing what a man expects or demands. It is an act of the woman's will to treat him with a high degree of regard and awe.

The dictionary defines reverence as a feeling or attitude of deep respect tinged with awe.

I can already see that I fail to do this for my husband. Respect, yes. Awe, not so much.

But here is the most important reminder the author gave to me:

"She [a wife] is reverencing God by reverencing her husband, not because her husband is a fit representative of Christ, and not because he is a worthy substitute, but because God placed her in subjection to her husband... Her faith sees beyond the sinning man to the God who created us all and 'so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son..' John 3:16 If her faithfulness is never rewarded with a new-birth change in her husband, her commitment will not be wasted, for the grace that God is working in her heart is making her supremely fitted to be the bride of Christ." (127)

Because we are all sinners, no man necessarily deserves honor, respect, and reverence. But God calls us as women to do it anyway (Ephesians 5:33). So this is where we need to suck it up and just do it, forgive as Christ forgave us, obeying God's commands.

"Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established." Proverbs 16:3

"The difference between a good marriage and a lousy one is not found in good husbands and good wives versus bad husbands and bad wives, for all marriages are made up of two sinners with lots of faults. A good marriage is good because one or both of them have learned to overlook the other's faults, to love the other as he or she is and to not attempt to change the other or bring him or her to repentance." (129)

The homework assignment at the end of this chapter was to do a word study on reverence. I spent a good amount of yesterday studying the following passages:

Leviticus 26:1
Joshua 5:13-15
Nehemiah 5:14-16
Psalm 5:7
Jeremiah 44:10
Daniel 6:26-27
Malachi 2:4-6
Acts 10:25
2 Corinthians 7:1
Ephesians 5:21
Colossians 3:22
Hebrews 12:28-29
1 Peter 3:1-2

As I read them, I wrote them in my journal, underlining the word reverence in each passage and circling the other key words that help me understand what reverence really looks like in action. And here is that list:

observe. fell facedown. devoted. bow down. humbled themselves. followed. fear. stood in awe. walked with me. peace. uprightness. fell at his feet. purity. holiness. submit. obey. sincerity of heart. thankful. worship. awe. submissive. purity.

Looking over those words, then I think about my own marriage and how I treat my husband. Do I really reverence my husband? I see how much I fall short. I see a whole other picture of how I can really serve my husband, leading me to the next part of the homework assignment...

* Ways I have not shown reverence toward my husband:

• I have not "bowed before him." I probably give off an attitude that my needs are equally important.
• I do not feel, let alone show, awe.
• I do not particularly show a life of purity and holiness.
• I do not always have sincerity of heart and instead am guilty of doing things grudgingly underneath it all.
  
• I do not always remember to be thankful and often forget to watch what I say to others about my husband.

* Ways to correct:

• Set everything aside to serve his needs. Encourage children to help as well, saying things like, "Look, Daddy's up! Let's see if he wants a snack!' or "Daddy's home! Let's help him take off his heavy boots!"
  
• Work on having a good attitude, showing peace, patience, and a gentle spirit by smiling and showing joy.
• Stop being so distracted with computer things and work hard to keep the home and have regular Bible study, showing a life of devotion and servanthood.
• Pray for God to change my heart.
• Choose words oh so carefully when talking with other women about my husband. Keep the focus on my own struggles and attitude rather than on my husband's actions. Use words like "I'm struggling with..." or "I'm having a hard time being thankful for..."
  

ALL of those things will require a great amount of prayer on my part in order to actually follow through, but God can do this work in me. And so, as my eyes have been opened to a new life attitude towards my husband, I encourage you to take the challenge as well and reflect on how you can reverence your own husband.

My homework: Being a better help meet

Okay, so I thought I'd share my answers from last week's homework assignment from the Created to Be His Help Meet book I'm currently reading and loving.

Monday: Write three new things that you will add to your life that will cause you to become more precious to your husband.
1. regular personal Bible time = better attitude
2. prayer for him and also tell him that I prayed for ____ today.
3. follow my cleaning schedule--ACTUAL cleaning, not just the basics like dishes and laundry

Tuesday: List three things that you can do that will be a help to him.
1. clean out his lunch box for him every day
2. regularly make sure he has fresh jeans for work
3. prepare some things for his lunches--boiled eggs, potatoes, etc

Wednesday: Write down three things you can do that will be an encouragement to him.
1. make a small treat with a note
2. occasionally have kids make art special for daddy
3. just say "I love you and I sure am thankful for you."

Thursday: Jot down three things about your appearance that you can change, which he is sure to like.
1. wear hair down more often, especially since he's the reason I grew it long in the first place
2. wear perfume sometimes
3. paint nails

Friday: List three things that you can do to your house that will please him.
1. keep the office clean since that's kind of his zone
2. clean our bedroom. since that's wear I fold laundry, it's super easy for it to get really cluttered in there.
3. always make sure toys are completely put away at the end of the day

Saturday: Write three things you can do that will make him feel like he is THE MAN.
1. tell him how great looks or smells
2. make it a point to tell him how strong he is when I need help with something.
3. tell him thank you when he makes a decision for the family. tell him I appreciate his wisdom and caution and that he's a smart man.

Sunday: Plan three things you can respond to him in front of others that will show a heart of respect and honor toward him.
1. share praises on blog/facebook
2. at church be sure to share how hard Kevin is working, especially the next couple months when he'll be missing church because of work
3. praise daddy to the kids


This seems like kind of an ambitious list to start implementing all at once, but I'll do the best I can! God has been shaping my heart lately in an incredible way and I truly enjoy serving and loving on my husband! It took a bit of time to sit down and fill out these lists, but it's worth it, I believe and I encourage you to do it as well!

Homework time!

For YOU that is! I just finished reading Chapter 12 of Created to Be His Help Meet and at the end of the chapter is a homework assignment I thought I'd encourage you to do as well. Think about it over the next few days and try to follow through with it next week. And if you want to, feel free to share your lists or the positive changes you see in your home. and marriage Alrighty, the assignment:

Monday: Write three new things that you will add to your life that will cause you to become more precious to your husband.

Tuesday: List three things that you can do that will be a help to him.

Wednesday: Write down three things you can do that will be an encouragement to him.

Thursday: Jot down three things about your appearance that you can change, which he is sure to like.

Friday: List three things that you can do to your house that will please him.

Saturday: Write three things you can do that will make him feel like he is THE MAN.

Sunday: Plan three things you can respond to him in front of others that will show a heart of respect and honor toward him.


READY, SET, GO! Be blessed!

What I am learning...

I'm only half-way through the book Created to be His Help Meet, and already these are the amazing, life-changing things I've been learning:

* I am learning how to be accepting and to love the husband God has given me.

* I am learning that it maybe doesn't take two to save a marriage. One person can decide to change her attitude and it just will have affect a positive affect on the other.

* I am learning how to choose joy and practice thankfulness.

* I am learning that God made Kevin into the man he is for a purpose.

* I am learning how to not take my husband's qualities for granted.

* I am learning how to serve wholeheartedly and without expectation.

* I am learning that to have a good marriage you have to be lovable.

* I am learning that it doesn't have to take a good man to have a heavenly marriage, just a woman willing to honor God.

* I am learning how to love, really love, in the unconditional kind of way.

* I am learning how to set my feelings aside and obey God.

* I am learning that when you do all the above things, any marriage can be restored.


Now it's not like my marriage was horrible by any means, but it did need some work. And in the book, I've been reading many other people's experiences and seeing just how powerful an attitude-change can be! I'll be sharing more as I get to the end of this book, but for now, think about your own marriage. How are you doing??

Thankful Thursday

In my reading of Created to Be His Help Meet (amazing book!!), yesterday I learned what I kind of man God created Kevin to be and through that my eyes have been opened to a greater understanding and appreciation of my husband. The qualities God has given him are ones that can easily be taken for granted, and I am guilty too like so many other wives. But no longer! Today I am filled with great praise, so today to my husband...

* Thank you for being a rock for our family--for being so steady, dependable, and faithful that we know we can put trust in you.
* Thank you for being wise and cautious and protective, for making careful decisions.
* Thank you for being such a hard worker and wonderful provider for our family.
* Thank you for being my friend and companion and allowing me to walk beside you through life's journeys.
* Thank you for your peace and safety and steady assurance that you will love and care for us.

You are a wonderful man, and I am so thankful for the man God has created you to be!

A moment for praise.

Just have to dote on my husband here. During this part of his school/training he has tests every Monday which means he has to put in extra hours over the weekend studying. Yesterday he even drove into work (so much better studying environment than here at home, can't imagine why?! haha) so today I just wanted to say how proud I am of him! This morning the kids and I made chocolate chip cookies for him when he gets home from work in just a few minutes, just a nice way to say thank you and we sure are proud of your hard work!

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs that it may benefit those who listen." Ephesians 4:29

As a side note, his Monday tests mean it's only a half day, which means Mommy gets to go shopping by herself every week for awhile!!

Husband Encouragement: More to the load

This week Hubby started night shift 6pm-6am for four days, and as always it shakes things up a bit, but we're learning to roll with it and take it as it comes. The new job as a whole means full days, meaning not too much daytime at home--except of course the 6 DAYS he just had off! woohoo! But when you have an old house like ours, even in good condition, there seems to be an endless list of pretty urgent things to get taken care of (toilet doesn't stop running, shower leaking, and heating problems) and the time Kevin does have just goes way too fast! It's hard to work efficiently with two small ones around or during a 2-hour nap time. See photo for example:And still Kevin does need some down time, despite what needs done. Sooo, leading to the point of this post, I've decided this week that I'm going to do my best to tackle some of these projects myself! Kevin gets me started and shows me how to do it, and then I take over and he heads off to work! And let me just say, I am so proud of myself for doing today's project: putting new knobs on our hutch. (we're repurposing the old ones, stay tuned!) The problem: the screws that held them in had no (and here I go with VERY UN-technical terms) slots on the head for a screwdriver. It's just smooth. But it's a long screw and sticks all the way through the wood quite a bit. So Kevin taught me how to "double nut" it--put two nuts together so tight that they themselves turn the screw just enough so I could grab the head of the screw and manually turn it with a wrench or pair of pliers. And it worked! By golly it took me a thousand times longer and a lot more tries to get it right, but I did it! I got them all done, except two knobs where the screws were painted, blocking the threads to take it out. Ummm... I'll leave that one for Kevin. BUT the important thing is I'm trying! BECAUSE I love him, and I'm trying to help him out! Is there more you can do for your husband so he doesn't have so much to do after he gets home from a long day of WORK??

The second thing I'm going to try to do these next four days is to make sure the house is tidied at the end of the day and that I'm UP in the morning to greet him when he rolls in around 6:30am. I've been trying to get up then anyway, so this is very good motivation!

I guess a third thing is that I'll be trying to get the kids out of the house more so it's quiet for Kevin to sleep. Take them outside since it's going to be nice for a couple days, go to the library, or run errands.

How can YOU bless your husband today?


Disclaimer: I'm no perfect wife. In fact, there are times when I'm downright awful. BUT my hope is that good efforts like these, with the grace of God, help cancel out the bad ones allowing us to have a fulfilling marriage. They don't just happen, ya know. Ya gotta work for it!

Husband Encouragement: Preparing the Table

Now that Kevin's started his new job in the civilian world, he'll be working a lot of 12-hr days. This week it's 6am-6pm (plus a 30-minute drive each way), so he's gone all day and home just in time for a late dinner. I recognize he's worked a looong day and is quite tired, and I've really been trying to make it a pleasant home he comes home to. I get dinner all ready and all the prep dishes washed, and Eli helps set the table. And to make it special, I use our nice place mats, fancy bowls, and even put dim lights on. Lighting is very important to me-- I went to a great amount of effort for our wedding reception to create enough light to not use the church's bright flourescent lights, see here, and now here in the home I'm trying to create that same warm atmosphere. So dinner's fixed and ready and the table's set. Then we go around tidying up the house. I comb the kids' hair and even touch up my makeup (if I still have time). And we wait to hear the Jeep rumble up the lane before I quickly pour our drinks, excited for Daddy to be home! It's the highlight of our day. Since dinner time is such a short time we have together as a family for these few days, I'm trying to make it more meaningful. And after tomorrow, then Kevin's gets SIX days off! Yippee!!

Here's a sneak peek at our "romantic" lighting! haha!Vanity lights above the sink! We'll be turning this old laundry room into our dining room, taking out the sink and all the works. But for now, this works!

Happy marriage!

Thankful Thursday

Since I just started another round of the 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge hosted by Speaking from the Heart, this week I'm especially thankful for my husband.

I am thankful for Kevin's hard work. It's the week before my due date and here he's just been put on shift work (5am-5pm, 7 days a week). He's put in 2 weeks leave for whenever baby comes, but it sure makes for long days leading up to it. It's the Navy so of course we didn't know about this schedule until yesterday, so it's put a damper on appointments and plans. It also means long days for me with Eli and little "couple time" or "family time" we might try to enjoy before the addition of a new baby. Yet Kevin hasn't complained at all. And I'll just be extra encouraging and supportive through this challenging week. I AM thankful that he's still on days though instead of nights this time!

I am thankful for Kevin's friendship. We have a lot of fun together and enjoy just hanging out, whether it's playing games, watching a movie, or running errands.

I am thankful for Kevin being such a good dad. He's so great with Eli. He loves his little boy so incredibly much, and it's such a blessing to see. Not all dads are like that, so I am very thankful for who Kevin is.

I am thankful for Kevin's strength as the leader of our family. I don't know what I'd be without him.

I am thankful for Kevin as my companion. Through parenting I've come to realize how patient this man is, so much more so than I. When days are hard he knows how to handle things calmly and with control. He offers comfort when I need it, and he's there to share the load. I love him.

For more Thankful Thursday visit Sting My Heart.

Husband Encouragement Challenge: Day 7

Day 7: Do not overwork to be rich; because of your own understanding, cease!...for riches certainly make themselves wings..." Prov. 23:4-5

"That I may cause those who love me to inherit wealth, that I may fill their treasuries." Proverbs 8:21

Money is the root of much marital discord. Ask yourself, "Am I being negative toward my husband in the area of finances?" Determine not to speak evil of your husband in this area. Discover ways to encourage and help him instead.

Does your husband handle finances wisely? Does he make good financial investments, based on biblical principles? Does he have a budget? Does he make wise decisions about purchases - checking many sources before he buys? Is he a good steward of his money before the Lord? Let him know how much you appreciate his strengths in financial matters.

If he is weak in this area, encourage any good decisions that he does make. Perhaps you can help him, if he's open to the idea, by organizing financial files or providing other practical assistance. Or, if he wants you to handle the finances, ask for his input before you make decisions that will affect him.

Ahh, finances. This has definitely been the root of much discourse in our marriage. I'm an organizer, planner, and a saver and can be quite disciplined in this area, while my husband is very lax and maintains a "go with the flow" attitude. As long as the account doesn't go negative, he's comfortable. We have tried several different approaches to finding balance and agreement, and I'm still not quite sure what it is we need to do.

I've mentioned this a couple times now, but a few months ago I handed over the budget to Hubby. I found that my discipline and saying No to things and such were causing a lot of stress in our marriage. I often felt like I was "mothering" him ("If it's within your $20 allowance, you can get it. Or save up until next month..." ) instead of following him. So I asked Kevin if he, as the head of the house, would like to be in charge of the finances instead. I was letting go of something I very much liked having control over and putting my trust in my husband (and God!) instead. It was a great act of submission for me. And now I can say my opinion, when he asks, about something but follow up with "...but it's your decision. If you think that's best then I will follow and support you." This choice has helped our marriage.

As of this past week I've decided to create my own budget for the purchases just I am in charge of: Groceries, Household Items, Personal Care, Baby Stuff (diapers/wipes, clothes, misc), and Extras (like clothes and books). These do cover a majority of our purchases, yet I won't be monitoring dining out and fun moneys and all the misc. We'll see how it goes...

Kevin is responsible. He is wise. He's not going to let us go poor. And he does have the self-control and discipline to say No when he needs to. He's flexible and doesn't want money to rule our life. He doesn't just go buying anything and everything, and there are a lot of times he has to go without and make do for the family's sake (i.e. tools!). He wants us to be happy and when there is a need, he makes sure we're taken care of, regardless of what the budget may say. And for that I am very thankful. I believe there is a lot in this that we are teaching other, and through our years together we will find a good balance.

Go to Speaking from the Heart to join in on this challenge! It's not too late and it will bless your marriage!

Husband Encouragement Challenge: Day 6

Day 6: "...Whatever ye do, do all to the glory of God."
1 Corinthians 10:31b

Do you recognize and appreciate your husband's creativity? Or do you criticize and demean his efforts? Instead of negativity, determine to be positive. Perhaps you can help your husband see that his efforts are an opportunity to glorify God.

Is your husband the "creative" type? Does he have any artistic gifts? What is that special "knack" he has? Affirm him for his handiwork - a hobby, music, gardening, tinkering with cars, working with wood, etc. Remember: Even if he doesn't measure up to your standards, praise his efforts. If your budget allows, buy him a book or magazine that will continue to encourage his special skill or talent.

If you have a hard time finding his "creative side," understand that men's creativity sometimes is related to their work. Find something he does to make his job run more smoothly or something he does that adds value to his work...and let him know that you have noticed. Make his day...Praise his accomplishments in public, while he is listening.

Kevin is wonderfully creative and it's one of the many things I love about him. He's great at fixing anything and finding solutions, and often times he comes up with a cheaper way to "make it work". And I love that. I love that it doesn't always have to be according to book. He's willing to just play around with whatever's laying around to create some contraption. Like the way he suspended a floor fan from the ceiling to help something dry. Or how we have a tarp hung up as our "ceiling" in our unfinished basement. Or the many ways he gets his Jeep repaired without the use of expensive power tools. He never just gives up. And when something's wrong, I know I can count on him to fix it! That's my man!

Husband Encouragement Challenge: Day 5

DAY 5: Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29

Another way to describe the positive side of this "30-Day Encouragement Challenge" is by using the word "edify," which means, "to build up." Negative comments only discourage and tear down. Positive comments encourage and build.

Do you edify your husband before others, adding to his value in their eyes? This is especially important to other family members.

Do you praise your husband to his relatives, and yours? Does your husband's mother know how much you love him? How about your dad? Perhaps you can drop a word of praise into a conversation or letter. Be creative in letting your relatives know that you respect your husband, love him, and support him - in spite of whatever flaws and weaknesses he may have.

Another good verse I like: Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you will know how to answer everyone. Colossians 4:6

Last time doing this challenge I determined that I was going to make it a point to say something positive about Kevin every time I talked on the phone with someone. Somehow work it into the conversation. But since then, I haven't really done that. Soo... we're going to start again!

Let me just say... yesterday during the day I half-jokingly told Kevin that I wanted him to prepare me a bubble bath, complete with music and candles. Last night when I went to start my bath, as soon as he heard the water running, he came up and finished getting things set up for me. Complete with relaxing music and candles surrounding the tub. He then escorted me to the lovely prepared bathroom with me in a robe and slippers as like the spa. It was very sweet. And ahh, a nice, warm, relaxing bath at 9 months pregnant was just the ticket. Good work, hubby!

Go to Speaking from the Heart to join in on this challenge!

Husband Encouragement Challenge: Day 4

As I mentioned on DAY 1, this time doing the challenge I am focusing on these three goals, as I continue reading You Can Be the Wife of a Happy Husband:

1. Focus only on my role as a spouse and not my husband's.
2. Trust God to work in Kevin's life.
3. Love Kevin unconditionally, accepting him as he is.

I'm going for more of a heart change than behavior change during these weeks. You see, there are specific areas in my husband's life I would love to see change, and for the three years we've been married, I kept thinking I could just encourage him in the right direction. Make suggestions, buy books, drop hints, and sometimes it was just an all-out heart-melt (where I actually told him how I want things to be different), all on top of prayer of course. But God's been making me realize (especially through this book, wow!) how much I really just need to love and accept Kevin as he is and let God do the work in him. It's not even my responsibility! What a weight lifted off me!

Here are some very encouraging passages from the book...

"Do not assume responsibilities that are your husband's alone. Realize that there are needs in his life that you cannot meet, such as his need to make Christ the Lord of his life or his need for acceptance and approval by others in business and society. Your main job is to comfort, encourage, and support your man when he is with you. As you plant and water your mate's life with praise, it is God's job to make it grow and bring an increase. "(44)

"Don't push him; just believe in him, and you will begin to experience a deeper, closer relationship with your man." (39)

"You and your husband will be contented and free only when you quit setting unrealistic goals and stop expecting him to be who he is not. Allow God to conform your mate into his image rather than trying to conform him in the image you have for his life." (49)

"Make it a habit, when you have the desire to change something about your husband, to ask Christ to show you your faults." (52)

Author Darien B. Cooper draws out the encouragement written in Philippians 4:4,6-8....

Rejoice in the Lord always....Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus... Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.

What great verses! These have been some of my memory verses, yet it wasn't really until now as I put them in the context of marriage that I realize how power they really have!

For DAY 4 of the challenge we are to think on our husband and his work. Let him know that you are glad he is a hard worker. Take opportunities to praise his diligence and resourcefulness to others.

Kevin's job is definitely one thing I don't take for granted! He is such a hard worker and great at what he does! Because of him, his work ethic, his leadership, his values for family, I am able to stay home with our children! And what a blessing that is! I don't always see him off to work (as he leaves at 6am and I'm just now getting in the routine of getting up earlier), but we do always greet him with a warm welcome when he comes home. When he's on a night shift, I make sure he has plenty of snacks, food to eat, and coffee to get him through the long hours. I try to keep the house quiet while he's sleeping during the day. And on his days off, I make sure he gets some real time off for himself while Eli and I go out of the house for awhile. And on occasion I do thank him for working and for being the provider for our family. He's a good man!

Go to Speaking from the Heart to join in on this challenge!

Husband Encouragement Challenge: Day 3

Day Three: "...love suffers long, and is kind..." 1 Cor. 13:4 "And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:19

Yesterday was not a good day for the encouragement challenge. It started out okay-- we had a yummy praline french toast casserole breakfast (something I thought hubby would like) and then we went to a couple garage sales seeking wood for a project he's working on. But after that... not sure why, but I was really crabby and short-tempered the rest of the day. Every little thing I took personally and was offended. I think it's because I didn't get up early yesterday morning (Saturday) and I napped during Eli's nap, so I never had any time during the day to just BE in quietness with myself and God. So here I am this morning, up and at 'em during the early hours for a Sunday, sitting with my hot cup of raspberry leaf tea collecting my thoughts and preparing my heart for today...

So today with Day 3 of the challenge, I start fresh and re-commit to not saying anything negative to or about my loving husband.

Often with these challenges I begin to feel like I am the one who is putting in all the effort for marriage. But in my reading yesterday I read these encouraging promises I want to share with you:

When you follow God's plan for your life, you will be rewarded fourfold....
1. As you trust Jesus Christ to help you understand your husband, you will be pleasantly surprised to discover what a wonderful man you married.
2. As your husband begins to respond to your loving admiration, he will express appreciation and love for you.
3. God will give you inner peace and stability when you live to please and obey him and not yourself.
4. You will receive rewards in eternity as you faithfully trust and obey Christ.

Already this morning we had a little situation with Eli who woke up at 6:25 (30 minutes before he's allowed out of his crib), threw his blanket out, and stood there screaming. I had just gotten up for my quiet morning and Kevin was still sleeping. In order to not teach Eli that throwing the blanket out is okay, we let him just be upset for awhile. And during this time, Kevin got up! (this is a big thing for him. he's a deep sleeper and doesn't usually even hear when children cry) and came downstairs to sit by me with his cup of coffee. After several minutes he went up, gave Eli his blanket back, and rejoined me. He was the one to get up and take initiative, and to sit by me at the table in the quiet of this morning (besides Eli screaming)... that was nice.

It just might be a good day.

Go to Speaking from the Heart to join in on this wonderful challenge!

Husband Encouragement Challenge: Day 2

Day Two
"...through love serve one another." Gal. 5:13b

Today, find some way that your husband is serving you or your family. Does he help around the house? Take care of the car? Fix things that are broken? If your budget allows, give him a new, small tool with a big bow attached. But make sure he doesn't think it's part of a "Honey Do" list!

Maybe your husband's not a handyman, but does he run errands for you? Let you go first? Take care of you when you are sick? Help you make decisions? Praise him for his willingness to serve others. Let him know that you see his unique service as a great strength.

Kevin is AWESOME when it comes to serving the family! He is a very involved dad and helps out all the time with Eli so I can run errands, cook dinner, or just have a little break. He helps clean up the kitchen every day, occasionally prepares meals or goes to the store, fixes things around the house, keeps up with computer updates, maintains our vehicles, and does other heavy-duty jobs. Whatever I ask of him, he's quick to do with a willing heart, and for that I am so thankful! He's a great man!

To join in on this challenge go to Speaking from the Heart.

It's Back! Husband Encouragement Challenge, Round 2

Speaking from the Heart is just starting Nancy Leigh DeMoss's 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge, and though I've done this challenge before, I thought I'd hop on board and follow along best I can as we wait for Baby's arrival.

The rules for the next 30 days:

1. You can't say anything negative about your husband ...to your husband...or to anyone else, about your husband.

2. You must say something that you admire or appreciate about your husband...to your husband...and to someone else, about your husband!

I also just started reading the book You Can Be the Wife of a Happy Husband by Darien B. Cooper, so this time doing the challenge, I'm going to incorporate what I'm reading there. I just read the first chapter of the book last night and already here are my three focuses for this month:

1. Focus only on my role as a spouse and not my husband's.
2. Trust God to work in Kevin's life.
3. Love Kevin unconditionally, accepting him as he is rather than trying to make my values his values.

"The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
so he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not evil
all the days of her life." Prov. 31:11-12

The end of that first chapter and right in line with what this challenge is about, the author challenges me to ask myself, How can I comfort, encourage, and do other good things for my husband? And because I'm a person who likes specific things I can actually do, here is a list of things I'm going to work on/do:

* Take more interest in Kevin's interests. Ask him about Jeep stuff and his computer box project.
* Change dinner plans to have chicken wings for Superbowl since he requested it.
* Get up 10 minutes earlier so I can see Kevin before he leaves for work. (which means being showered and ready for bed before 10:00pm)
* Create a budget for my own household shopping. (A few months ago I handed the budget and finances over to my husband since I was being too controlling about it, and since then it's relieved some battles as I've learned to submit to his decisions. But as an organized person and the primary shopper for our family, I'd really like to have some sort of budget. So I think I'll make up something that covers household/food items only to relieve some of that financial stress, especially with the budget about to change with the addition to the family.)
* Ask for a break when I need it rather than grumbling and being crabby and wishing someone would magically recognize my needs.
* Recognize the times I do say something negative and apologize immediately.

So there are my goals as we kick off this challenge for ROUND 2!

Husband Encouragement

It's been awhile since I've posted any husband encouragement goals, so we're getting back to it this week with the following:

1. Play computer game with Kevin. He just got this new car racing game and he keeps asking me if I want to play it with him. And I really don't have any interest. But this week I'll support his interests and at least give it a try!
2. Make no comments about how much time he's on the computer.
3. Take care of errands on my own so Kevin can just relax at home.
4. Plan a candlelight dinner for Saturday night.
5. Ask how I can pray for him this week.

Want to join in? You planning something special for your husband this week? What can you do to encourage him as he goes about his day? Share your goals with us!