"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." James 5:16
Yesterday I decided to quit spanking. Or at least for most of the time. Bear with me, I'm still trying to figure out a plan. God give me wisdom! All I know is this: I spank out of anger way too often. Well, doing it all is a sin. Anger in parenting is something I greatly struggle with. I just get sooo frustrated, especially when it's situations I don't really know how to handle. Usually we try to stay consistent by using a spanking for most everything--tantrums, disobedience, fussing, and angry actions--but now I want to change that. And I realized the other day I think my anger truly scares Eli when it comes to a discipline. So that's what's motivating this change.
Now I'm trying "time-outs" or "taking a break" for him to change his attitude and recognize his own sin. Yesterday I spent a LOT of time in the Bible pulling out verses on peace (to help me stay calm) and in the process put together a list of verses I want to use with the kids, that cover the areas we usually have episodes with. The idea in my head right now is that when he does something in which correction is necessary we go to the time-out spot, sit down calmly, and talk about what happened, review God's instructions in these verses. No crying, screaming, or anger. Here's my list. I tried to keep them real simple verses, things Eli could easily grasp, but at the same time not water it down too much.
"Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love." Ephesians 5:2
"In your anger do not sin." Ephesians 4:26
"Refrain from anger...It only leads to evil." Psalm 37:8
Do not be quickly angered. It's foolish. Ecclesiastes 7:9 (paraphrased)
"Be patient, bearing with one another in love." Ephesians 4:2
"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." Ephesians 6:1
"Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong. Always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else." 1 Thessalonians 5:15 I was going to just to use the second half of that verse but the first part is soo important too, especially for children, I couldn't leave it out.
"Be joyful always." 1 Thessalonians 5:16
"Be self-controlled." 1 Peter 1:13
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition...but in humility consider others better than yourselves." Philippians 2:3
"There is a time for everything...A time to be silent and a time to speak." Ecclesiastes 3:1
"Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts...and be thankful." Colossians 3:15
"If we confess our sins, he faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9
I just ordered the book Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes...in You and Your Kids Based on the reviews it looks like a fantastic book, and I can't wait to get some more wisdom on what to do here! So if you could, pray for God to change our hearts and give us wisdom as we change our parenting approach!
Yesterday I decided to quit spanking. Or at least for most of the time. Bear with me, I'm still trying to figure out a plan. God give me wisdom! All I know is this: I spank out of anger way too often. Well, doing it all is a sin. Anger in parenting is something I greatly struggle with. I just get sooo frustrated, especially when it's situations I don't really know how to handle. Usually we try to stay consistent by using a spanking for most everything--tantrums, disobedience, fussing, and angry actions--but now I want to change that. And I realized the other day I think my anger truly scares Eli when it comes to a discipline. So that's what's motivating this change.
Now I'm trying "time-outs" or "taking a break" for him to change his attitude and recognize his own sin. Yesterday I spent a LOT of time in the Bible pulling out verses on peace (to help me stay calm) and in the process put together a list of verses I want to use with the kids, that cover the areas we usually have episodes with. The idea in my head right now is that when he does something in which correction is necessary we go to the time-out spot, sit down calmly, and talk about what happened, review God's instructions in these verses. No crying, screaming, or anger. Here's my list. I tried to keep them real simple verses, things Eli could easily grasp, but at the same time not water it down too much.
"Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love." Ephesians 5:2
"In your anger do not sin." Ephesians 4:26
"Refrain from anger...It only leads to evil." Psalm 37:8
Do not be quickly angered. It's foolish. Ecclesiastes 7:9 (paraphrased)
"Be patient, bearing with one another in love." Ephesians 4:2
"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." Ephesians 6:1
"Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong. Always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else." 1 Thessalonians 5:15 I was going to just to use the second half of that verse but the first part is soo important too, especially for children, I couldn't leave it out.
"Be joyful always." 1 Thessalonians 5:16
"Be self-controlled." 1 Peter 1:13
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition...but in humility consider others better than yourselves." Philippians 2:3
"There is a time for everything...A time to be silent and a time to speak." Ecclesiastes 3:1
"Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts...and be thankful." Colossians 3:15
"If we confess our sins, he faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9
I just ordered the book Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes...in You and Your Kids Based on the reviews it looks like a fantastic book, and I can't wait to get some more wisdom on what to do here! So if you could, pray for God to change our hearts and give us wisdom as we change our parenting approach!
9 comments:
A couple of other great parenting books (you can tell this is a topic I'm really focusing on right now, too)
Shepherding A Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp
Don't Make Me Count To Three by Ginger Plowman
Loving Your Kids on Purpose
I can't remember then author's name right now. If you are interested email me and I will look it up for you. (The book is in my car down at the church right now....)
Blessing in this venture. I'm right there with you. I haven't stopped spanking but I am working on the anger part because it is a sin! You are right in that. I do find that by calming myself and following certain steps the spanking goes over much better and I don't feel like I've done somethin wrong.
I'm with you! We've had a HUGE problem with our four-year-old daughter whining. And she's really good at it... It was getting to be a frustrating battle for all of us.
My husband heard Dr. Dobson doing a quick parenting minute on the radio last week, and Dr. Dobson suggested telling your child that you aren't able to hear her when she whines. My husband had a little chat with our daughter, explaining this to her when all was calm. He even gave her an example of how to not whine.
It has worked like a charm.
All we do when she's whining is calmly look at her and say "I'm sorry. I'm not able to hear you when you whine." She immediately changes her demeanor. She politely rephrases the request or complaint. We've found her adding an extra "please" or "may I" to her requests too.
Amazing.....
I am with ya on this one. I have anger issues too. What I find ironic is that I KNOW the way I need to be but it's hard to BE that way. Then we have the expectations on our kids to behave and we can't get it right ourselves. Oh the irony that is parenting. I think the biggest thing is to take life LESS seriously.. Pick our battles.. and be consistent even if it's annoying and repetitive! Thx for sharing and being so open!
Great verses Sarah! Stew and I definitely took a break from spanking for the same reasons about a year ago. We realized the same thing, that we were disciplining in anger far to often. We actually just did away with discipline all together for a while at the same point because we just knew we didn't have it figured out and didn't want to be scaring Emily. It was a good step back for sure, a good time to re-evaluate and get back on track. Not that we're there yet, anger still can get the best of both of us, but it was so healthy to take that time out. So bravo Sarah and thanks for being so open about your daily struggles!
Thank you so much for this!! I have been struggling so much lately with anger and desperately trying to deal with it myself but that never works.:) I will be praying for you and I know that you will pray for me, too!
And, I really need the scriptures that you gave. I wrote them all down in my little notebook for future reference.
I have been meaning to call but I have been so busy with the kids. It seems like whenever I try to get on the phone some catastrophe occurs or one of them wakes up from their nap!! But, I will call soon!! :)
LOVE YOU!!
Sarah,
I love you, I'm praying for you, and I am so proud of you. You are making a wonderful parenting decision. And I truly believe God is going to empower you to stick with it. You are an amazing mama and so inspiring.
Em
Sarah--
Another book recommendation is "Teach them Diligently: How to use the Scriptures in Child Training." by Lou Priolo. It sounds like God has helped you see the need to use His word while instructing little Eli (and Hannah's) hearts. One of the most helpful parts of this book is a resource in the back--the author compiled a list (not exhaustive but extensive) of specific scriptures that speak to a plethora of sin areas, from anger to laziness and from whining to arguing. I'm loving that it is helping Caleb see that God's word is powerful and useful for ALL things even now. I'd love for his little 2 year old mind to start understanding the authority of scripture. So, that's my book recommendation if you feel you need some more verses to help.
Spanking in anger is quite very wrong but it just as wrong to discipline your children in such a way other than what God has directed. He very clearly states that foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child and the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.
One of the lies prevailing on us in our society is to think that spanking is wrong or outdated. Carefully study this out!
Another good book is Dare To Discipline by James Dobson. Stay away from parenting magazines and secular childraising books! they will only decieve.
I just recently started to blog and soon came upon your blog site. I have to say that I have enjoyed reading the things you post and look forward to more post by you. After reading you post a turning point I just want to encourage you. I have a set of twin who are 18, a 17 year old, a 2 year old and finally a 9month old. With my first 3 girls I started out spanking. I felt many times I was spanking more because I was mad over what my girls had done. I spanked for about 3 years and finally decided that spanking was not for me. I decided to start timeouts. I made a total 180, and started talking a lot to my kids about choice and consequences. I don't think they understood then but they certainly understand now. It is something I will never regret. I love my girls and I never want them to be afraid of me, which is where I was heading. I applaud you and will pray for your new decision. Please feel free to email me with any questions I would love to help you if I can. I want to tell you right up front that there will be day when you resort back to the quick and easy but don't get down on yourself just keep going.
Monica
monical_mpc@yahoo.com
Post a Comment