Before in our parenting we'd tried really hard to teach and demand obedience from our children. We followed the guidelines in Shepherding a Child's Heart of what obedience required: respond right away, 100%, with a good attitude. (something like that, I don't have the book right now to double-check). But now that I've started reading Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes...in you and your kids! I'm learning the value of honor that goes far beyond obedience. Take a look at the difference between respect/obedience and honor.
"Respect is outward, focusing on a person's position or on the power of an office. People respect police officers or judges because of their authoritative position. When only respect is emphasized in family life, it leads to outer conformity, false intimacy, and eventually, distant relationships." (Turansky, 18)
Honor is the ability to value others for who they are. (20) The criteria for honor are these three: treating people as special, doing more than what's expected, and having a good attitude.
"When children develop obedience, they learn to do a task without being reminded. They learn how to report back, do work they might rather not do, follow directions, and complete a job without being watched. They learn responsibility, a willingness to serve, and faithfulness to do a good job." (26)
"Honor also has several skills hidden within it. Having a good attitude, doing more than what's expected, seeing what needs to be done and doing it without being asked, encouraging others, and contributing to a nurturing atmosphere--all are learned through honor."
"Obedience does not have to hinge on understanding why." (33)
"Honor thinks of what would please someone else and gives more than is expected. It's putting someone else's needs above your own. Honor values others in tangible ways. (10)
"Obedience does things well. Honor does them beautifully." (50)
Obedience is important too, but there's more to it than that. Life is about learning to honor each other, whether in marriage or parenting. Just imagine how beautiful life could be if we all treated people as special, showed appreciation, and did more than what was expected. So think about that for today, and I'll be back soon with details on how we can show and teach honor to our children.
"Respect is outward, focusing on a person's position or on the power of an office. People respect police officers or judges because of their authoritative position. When only respect is emphasized in family life, it leads to outer conformity, false intimacy, and eventually, distant relationships." (Turansky, 18)
Honor is the ability to value others for who they are. (20) The criteria for honor are these three: treating people as special, doing more than what's expected, and having a good attitude.
"When children develop obedience, they learn to do a task without being reminded. They learn how to report back, do work they might rather not do, follow directions, and complete a job without being watched. They learn responsibility, a willingness to serve, and faithfulness to do a good job." (26)
"Honor also has several skills hidden within it. Having a good attitude, doing more than what's expected, seeing what needs to be done and doing it without being asked, encouraging others, and contributing to a nurturing atmosphere--all are learned through honor."
"Obedience does not have to hinge on understanding why." (33)
"Honor thinks of what would please someone else and gives more than is expected. It's putting someone else's needs above your own. Honor values others in tangible ways. (10)
"Obedience does things well. Honor does them beautifully." (50)
Obedience is important too, but there's more to it than that. Life is about learning to honor each other, whether in marriage or parenting. Just imagine how beautiful life could be if we all treated people as special, showed appreciation, and did more than what was expected. So think about that for today, and I'll be back soon with details on how we can show and teach honor to our children.
4 comments:
I'm really looking forward to hearing how we can build honor into our children. I don't want my daughter to obey out of a simple sense of respect. (Though respect is a good quality too.) I do want to encourage her to honor others. Thanks for touching on this subject!
what you wrote about honor is good but I don't necesarily think what you wrote about respect is biblical. I think of marriage when it comes to respect and real respect of my husband starts in the heart - it is not actually an outward thing at all. If my heart isn't in it then my actions won't be either.
Well, I'm a sinner and I DON'T always want to respect my husband the way I should. And so sometimes there, it IS an outward thing. I like how honor encourages you to look deeper into a person and truly value them.
I hated that commandment for the longest time because i didn't delive that my stepbab deserved respect. And growing up in his house was awfull. He always said i was lazy, no good, and dis-RESPECTfull. But throw my journey with god i realized that it dose not say to respect your parents blindly but to honor them and to always walk in truth with god and allow him to show you what he wishes for you in life:)
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