I'm one of the first to sit down at the lunch table. I watch as everyone takes a seat next to their friends, wondering if anyone will choose me. A lump forms in my throat as I fight back tears right there in the middle of everyone. Does not anyone like me?? Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. I tell the kids I'll be right back and excuse myself to the bathroom where I fan my face with my hands, trying to pull myself together and get collected. I return quickly with a fake smile and finish the meal, anxious to just escape from the scene. In the midst of the noise of chattering and laughter I feel utterly and completely alone. Rejected.
This is our church potlucks. Every time. And so. I can't go anymore. I won't. It simply hurts too much.