Life is insane right now. And I'm losing my mind! And right now I'm feeling like I CANNOT WAIT for the next phase of life when all the kids are 5-10yrs old. No more naps to schedule around, less of the CONSTANT demands, less of the CONSTANT fighting, no more diaper bags to completely unload every time I'm trying to find something, kids are more independent, I can actually go shopping by myself sometimes, I can actually complete a simple task without being interrupted a thousand times, having TIME to actually keep a somewhat clean house, and having the FREEDOM to leave the kids and go do something FUN with my husband like tube down the Iowa River for an afternoon. I try not to wish this time away because I know I'll miss it later. But right now I'm having a hard time seeing WHY I would ever miss this so much.
I think a lot of what is causing me to feel so overwhelmed right now are the house projects. When our home is not tidy I feel crazy. Like I actually can't quite breathe right, and I'm no neat freak. The dining room is now in our kitchen,. And we also got a new fridge lately and because it didn't quite fit we had to take out the surrounding cupboards and just put them in random spaces in the kitchen, so I barely I have room to move in there. I really want to help with the projects, but I can't. The kids CONSUME ME. And when we try to tag along on shopping days to Home Depot (1.5 hrs away), because I want to be involved, it ends up taking all day by the time we do feedings and bathroom stops and diaper changes and meals. And another of Kevin's days off are "wasted".
Hannah had a blowout diaper yesterday and even after 3 or 4 tries with the carpet cleaner I CAN STILL SEE IT! She's 2. This shouldn't be happening. Not now.
Carter's been having crappy naps. Waking up after barely an hour. And last night he somehow got to his tummy while being swaddled in his cradle and I heard him fussing around trying to hold his head up with his arms bundled down. Scared the crap out of me and now I don't want to swaddle him anymore at all. Which will not help at all for getting him to sleep longer during the day.
It's Easter this weekend. But it doesn't feel like Easter because Kevin's working nights all weekend so we have no plans except for me trying to attempt the church breakfast "alone" with all the kids. I know, church friends will help manage the kids, but still, my mind is scattered.
Praying for patience. Praying for strength. Praying for peace. Praying for perspective. God help me.