In my attempts to be more calm and to avoid spanking lately, we've been trying some new approaches to normal challenges.
#1 Challenge: Mealtime
A lot of times there's something on the menu, usually meat, that we have a hard time getting Eli to eat. I try not to push eating too much, in case there's ever a time when they're honestly just not feeling well and we don't know it. Overall, it's you eat or you don't get anything. And usually we save the fruit item for last, as a sort of dessert. Well, before, we'd try to say eat all of your meat/veggies and then you can have some fruit. It was tedious, Eli would continue to ask for the fruit, etc. Yeah, yeah, there's probably some discipline in that itself, but sometimes it's just easier to use a different approach. And for us that new approach is this: one bite of meat=one bite of fruit, one bite of meat=one bite of fruit. If Eli doesn't want to eat all of his meat, I don't really want him to not get any fruit because the fruit's important too. Sometimes we've tried telling him, "Eat 3 more bites of meat. Then you can have fruit." But this new approach usually gets him to clean all of his plate and is working much better. And the alternating bites is a good opportunity to talk about having a balanced diet. So anyway, that's our first challenge tackled.
#2 Challenge: Naptime/Bedtime
Overall Eli does very good going down for naptime and bedtime. He doesn't typically cry or fuss too much. If he does it's because something's out of order, and that can be a bit irritating until everything's just right. Usually, however, the problem is that Eli talks. He talks from the second he wakes in the morning to the second he drifts off to sleep at night. It's always something. Well, when I put him down for sleep, I expect him to be quiet. Because especially at naptime, if I let him just go, he could probably continue to sit there talking/playing on his bed for the entire duration of nap. (This does happen sometime if I realize I had forgotten to turn the monitor on.) We'd usually go in, spank him, and remind him to be quiet. And sometimes it would take several tries, growing frustration, and a lot of wasted minutes before finally reaching the desired goal. Well, now that we're doing away with spanking, I'm trying this new approach: When I put him down for nap/bed I tell him it's time to be quiet now. Have a good nap, I love you, etc. Afterwards if I hear him talking still, I go in and take his quilt, blankies, bear, and pillow away, calmly telling him to let me know when he's ready to be quiet and take his nap, and I'll bring his blankies and pillow back. In the meantime stay on your bed. Then I leave and close the door behind me. He doesn't usually react at all until the door clasps shut, and then the WAILING begins as he screams "I want my blankies back right now!" I give him a few minutes, hoping he'll remember that he has to ask nicely, but he usually doesn't. Then I go in and remind him that I won't give them back when he's screaming at me, he needs to ask nicely. Then he stops crying, and asks me sweetly, "May I have my blankies back please?" I ask him if he's ready to be quiet and take his nap, he says "Yes", and I return the blankies and pillow and bear and quilt, tuck him back in, tell him that I'm glad he decided to take a nap, and say I love you and as I'm walking to the door he says "I love you" to me. Ahh, now that was a good discipline. And then he stays quiet. And that was that. After one try instead of three or four and leaving the room still in peace. I've tried this three times now, and it's worked every time. Hopefully soon he'll just get the idea and be quiet in the first place. This situation has been so much easier to stay calm for me than for me to spank him, and I'm happy to have found a new approach. This idea, by the way, was taken from here. If this is a problem for you too, I hope this idea can help!
#1 Challenge: Mealtime
A lot of times there's something on the menu, usually meat, that we have a hard time getting Eli to eat. I try not to push eating too much, in case there's ever a time when they're honestly just not feeling well and we don't know it. Overall, it's you eat or you don't get anything. And usually we save the fruit item for last, as a sort of dessert. Well, before, we'd try to say eat all of your meat/veggies and then you can have some fruit. It was tedious, Eli would continue to ask for the fruit, etc. Yeah, yeah, there's probably some discipline in that itself, but sometimes it's just easier to use a different approach. And for us that new approach is this: one bite of meat=one bite of fruit, one bite of meat=one bite of fruit. If Eli doesn't want to eat all of his meat, I don't really want him to not get any fruit because the fruit's important too. Sometimes we've tried telling him, "Eat 3 more bites of meat. Then you can have fruit." But this new approach usually gets him to clean all of his plate and is working much better. And the alternating bites is a good opportunity to talk about having a balanced diet. So anyway, that's our first challenge tackled.
#2 Challenge: Naptime/Bedtime
Overall Eli does very good going down for naptime and bedtime. He doesn't typically cry or fuss too much. If he does it's because something's out of order, and that can be a bit irritating until everything's just right. Usually, however, the problem is that Eli talks. He talks from the second he wakes in the morning to the second he drifts off to sleep at night. It's always something. Well, when I put him down for sleep, I expect him to be quiet. Because especially at naptime, if I let him just go, he could probably continue to sit there talking/playing on his bed for the entire duration of nap. (This does happen sometime if I realize I had forgotten to turn the monitor on.) We'd usually go in, spank him, and remind him to be quiet. And sometimes it would take several tries, growing frustration, and a lot of wasted minutes before finally reaching the desired goal. Well, now that we're doing away with spanking, I'm trying this new approach: When I put him down for nap/bed I tell him it's time to be quiet now. Have a good nap, I love you, etc. Afterwards if I hear him talking still, I go in and take his quilt, blankies, bear, and pillow away, calmly telling him to let me know when he's ready to be quiet and take his nap, and I'll bring his blankies and pillow back. In the meantime stay on your bed. Then I leave and close the door behind me. He doesn't usually react at all until the door clasps shut, and then the WAILING begins as he screams "I want my blankies back right now!" I give him a few minutes, hoping he'll remember that he has to ask nicely, but he usually doesn't. Then I go in and remind him that I won't give them back when he's screaming at me, he needs to ask nicely. Then he stops crying, and asks me sweetly, "May I have my blankies back please?" I ask him if he's ready to be quiet and take his nap, he says "Yes", and I return the blankies and pillow and bear and quilt, tuck him back in, tell him that I'm glad he decided to take a nap, and say I love you and as I'm walking to the door he says "I love you" to me. Ahh, now that was a good discipline. And then he stays quiet. And that was that. After one try instead of three or four and leaving the room still in peace. I've tried this three times now, and it's worked every time. Hopefully soon he'll just get the idea and be quiet in the first place. This situation has been so much easier to stay calm for me than for me to spank him, and I'm happy to have found a new approach. This idea, by the way, was taken from here. If this is a problem for you too, I hope this idea can help!
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Well, my book about whining and complaining arrived yeserday and I'll be sharing more soon about the difference between obedience/respect vs honor. I can't wait to continue reading! But for now I need to go pick up sticks and toys in the yard so Kevin can mow later today!
2 comments:
be careful not to manipulate him though - he will learn to do it too!
I'm not trying to manipulate him! Just trying to discipline him and teach him what's important! I'm not going to just let HIM decide how things go!
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