First I am taking off my mask today. Regardless of how I may seem from this blog, I am truly a weary mom. Too often I find myself feeling frustrated, angry, burnt-out, defeated, on the verge of tears. Some days I just hate being a full-time mom. This job is so trying. It's just so... constant! So much of every day is the SAME! Not as in being bored, but as in the same ol' issues day in, day out. Prodding kids to eat their meals-- breakfast, lunch, dinner EVERY day. Dragging the kids around for all my errands. Having to move at a toddler pace when my arms are full of heavy bags and a baby. Too much vying for my attention. Wiggly babies and poopy diapers. I can clean up the whole house and 5 seconds later it's tornado zone again! I've been yelling and throwing my own tantrums. I KNOW it is such a horrible example to the kids. But I just can't seem to get a grip!
BUT
I am trying.
Lord, I am trying!
Because I sure don't like this. And I know God doesn't either.
This past week our computer was in the shop, and I was completely offline for about 5 days. I spent some time really refocusing, getting in the Word, and bathing myself in scripture trying to just change my attitude completely. This verse is one of my very most inspiring verses, and it's not even a complete sentence! But it creates a beautiful vision for how I want to be! I am striving for the...
"...unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."1 Peter 3:4
I would love to be gentle and have a quiet spirit. To know how to hold my tongue. To be patient and loving, compassionate. To be submissive.... THAT is how I want to be!
I've never been good at reading my Bible. And by "good at" I really mean I just plain haven't been doing it at all. I want to but just have always felt overwhelmed, like I had no idea what to even read. But following a friend's suggestion, this week I decided to do a topical study and I read verses upon verses starting with gentleness, since that's a quality I would most like to develop. Like it's really that easy and I can whip up the ingredients. ha! Anyway, I started with gentleness writing all these verses down in my journal. From there I branched out to the other fruits of the Spirit.
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control."Galatians 5:22
Wow, that's quite a to-do list! Oh wait, what was that? Oh, the fruits of the SPIRIT... Okay, so it's not the fruits of SARAH... None of those fruits are of human nature. I cannot do this without the help of my loving Savior who has given us a Helper, the Holy Spirit who lives inside of ME! He is WITH ME!
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand."Isaiah 41:10"...the Spirit helps us in our weakness." Romans 8:26
I'll close with a few of my favorite quotes from You Can Be the Wife of a Happy Husband:
"When your heart is right before God, filled with his truth and love, your eyes and features will express a gentle nature and peaceful outlook." (116)
"...if through reading and meditating on God's Word you allow Christ's mind to be formed in your own and you operate on the basis of God's principles, you will experience stability, inner peace, fulfillment, and inner beauty." (119)
I have lots more verses that have been encouraging in this journey toward changing my heart attitude, and I hope to share these verses in the next few days and months. It helps me to just keep re-reading them every day, reminding me of God's will for me in my role as a Godly parent. I am mostly applying these verses towards parenting because that's where I am most struggling right now, but it also applies to greatly to my marriage as well.
I wish I could say that I now have it all figured out! The days when I'm not distracted with computer and other things and I really have make time to read scripture are so much better. When I am not frustrated and angry and yelling, Eli is a hundred times more obedient, and I'm happy to praise him for all the good things he does. I actually had a couple days last week where I thought my children were delightful! It seems so silly, like it should always be like that, but really, think about how often you truly find your children delightful for an entire day? Do you need a transformation?
"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."Romans 12:2
More tomorrow!
~ Sarah
7 comments:
This is something I have truly struggled with as a parent for YEARS!!! It really is the hardest, yet most rewarding job ever to be a Mom. Thank you for your post and your honesty. It helps me to know there are others out there who struggle like I do ... and I agree, without Christ we cannot accomplish this great task of Mothering!
=) Kathy
You are one of the most beautiful women I know! Thanks for just being real, it is such an encouragement to me! Much love! Little Mully Loopers
You already know where I am on this; I really struggle every day, some worse than others. I really want to get that book, it sounds like just what I need!!
You are a wonderful wife and mother because you care enough not to let your family settle for less than your very best,and God will carry you through this!!
Love you!
God's grace is evident in you, Sarah! As you seek to put to death sin HE will give you more and more grace. Your humility in this post spurs me to love Christ more. Thanks for being my friend! I am praying for you as God "who began this good work in you carries it on to completion in the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6
Sarah! I wish I could sit down with you face to face with a cup of coffee and chat about this whole post. I wish you could see the notes upon notes that I have written disecting the fruit of the Spirit over the last 6 months. It's so nice to know that I am not alone! I have definitely struggled, am still struggling with feeling overwhelmed/worn out and getting into those grumpy mommy moods. I certainly HATE those times because I know I'm not being a very good example to my girls. I just feel like so much rides on my shoulders, especially in the season of life with the little ones. Going through the fruit of the spirit has definitely been encouraging, although I'm not all the way through yet. And of course right now I'm working on my prayer life too. It's pretty much in shambles. Sometimes I feel like there is SO much I need to work on and pray for I get overwhelmed with the prospect and then just don't. Anyway, I'll stop rambling. It's encouraging to know another mom out there going through the same feelings and turning to the same scripture. Thanks for posting.
Sarah, this is such a wonderful post!! Thank you. Even though I only have 1 it can still be a struggle. Being a SAHM it the BEST job in the world, but I also beleive that it is the hardest. Unless you have been a SAHM... you don't understand everything that it consists of. Everyone thinks that it is all peachy being you get to stay at with the kids and don't have to go to 'work'. Let me just say... Being a SAHM is WORK and LOTS of it!!! You really blessed my heart with this post!! Thanks again.
Hey girlfriend. Way to KEEP IT REAL! :) That's what it's all about. God shines through you and is working in your life each and every moment. LOVE YOU.
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